


Five Missing Years

by IreneSpring



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Fluffy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Prompt Fic, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:28:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29471706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IreneSpring/pseuds/IreneSpring
Summary: Alex returns to SVU three years after leaving Witness Protection. She and Olivia need to talk.Prompt: "Will you be mine?"
Relationships: Olivia Benson/Alexandra Cabot
Comments: 7
Kudos: 22





	Five Missing Years

**Author's Note:**

> The summary sounds angsty! Don't worry, I am 0% capable of writing break up angst. Character analysis angst, on the other hand, is an entirely different story, but if you're familiar with my other stories that won't surprise you.
> 
> I know I missed the actual day of Valentine's Day, and I apologize for that. Happy belated Valentine's Day one and all.

Alex has never felt nerves like this in her life. And, as the holder of several paper plate awards for ‘most likely to overthink everything’ and the woman whose psychiatrist finished their first meeting with “you definitely have an anxiety disorder,” that’s saying something. Every instinct is telling her to turn around, to seek safety, to retreat. She considers giving in. It would be so easy. Just turn around and then call Rafael to cry. Just like she did both previous times she’s tried this.

But no, third time’s the charm, and Alex is tired of being a coward. She takes a deep breath, and knocks on Olivia’s apartment door.

Seconds pass, and Alex is about to leave. She’s probably not home. She probably has somewhere else to be. Then she hears movement from inside and steels herself. Alex has been yelled at, shot, fired, and rejected before. She’s still here. She can do this. 

“Alex?” Olivia asks through the door. Alex nods.

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.” Olivia opens the door, and Alex once again notices how her hair is longer now. Alex likes it. Olivia looks slightly wary and Alex has to remind herself that she swore she wouldn’t cry in the first minute of talking to Olivia.

“I’m sorry,” Alex says. “I’m sorry I stayed away. I’m sorry I didn’t reach out. I’m sorry I was a coward…”

“Alex…”

“I missed you so much, Liv.”

“I kept asking myself why you never called.”

“I didn’t call because you didn’t call.”

“What-”

“I knew you were seeing someone. And even after I heard that ended, I thought you moved on-”

“I could never move on from you,” Olivia whispers. “Al, I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together-” At the sound of the old nickname, Alex surges forward, taking Olivia’s face in her hands and kissing her. When Olivia pulls her closer, Alex opens her mouth. She brings a hand to Olivia’s hair and melts into her arms. 

“I missed you so much, Liv,” Alex repeats between kisses, sighing as Olivia’s hands find her hips. “You have no idea. I wanted to call.” 

“You didn’t.”

“I should have.” Olivia pulls back and looks Alex straight in the eyes. Alex lets out a noise of discontent as Olivia releases her completely.

“We're not doing this, Alex. Not right now. Not before we get everything out in the open.” Olivia frowns and runs a hand through her hair. “I need to know everything. About how you never reached out.”

“I tried to, Liv. You have to believe me. But I really did believe you didn’t want anything to do with me. I mean, you dated other people, you moved to a completely different neighborhood, you ditched Rafael, it seemed like you were getting rid of everything that reminded you of me,” Alex whispers. “And not to mention…” Alex trails off, looking at her feet. She wants this part to be done with. She just wants to be forgiven and to move on. She wants to kiss Olivia again, and to wake up just like they did after their first date years ago.

“Not to mention what, Al?” 

“Nothing.”

“Alex, please. You owe me the truth.”

“Not to mention that I’m not like what I used to be like,” Alex admits quietly. “I’m more… I don’t even know the term, I guess in an incredibly cliched way, I’m more damaged. And all anyone’s ever said to me after I got back was how great I used to be, how strong I was, how I used to know how to respond to everything… and I’m not that anymore…” Alex is mortified to find tears in her eyes, but she’s certain that if she just keeps her eyes trained on the wood paneling of Olivia’s floor, everything will take care of itself.

“Alex…”

“I don’t want to disappoint you,” Alex admits, her eyes still laser-focused on the ground. “And it feels like that’s all I’ve been doing since I got back. Disappointing everyone. I didn’t know how to talk to you, with all your heroics, when I was failing so miserably.” She’s surprised when she feels Olivia’s hand on her jaw, carefully raising her eyes to meet Olivia’s.

“You think I haven’t been failing miserably?” Olivia asks. “I’ve been failing miserably. I had to take time off after I almost shot a man in a PTSD flashback.” Olivia pauses, seemingly collecting herself before continuing. “I know I’ve been unfair to you these past few days. But I understand, I truly do. And you could  _ never  _ disappoint me, Alex. I’ve spent years hoping you’d come back, just so you could be there next to me. You never had to do anything.”

“Well now I feel like an idiot,” Alex chuckles tearfully.

“It doesn’t matter,” Olivia assures her. “It just matters that you’re back.” And then Olivia moves her hand from Alex’s jaw to the back of her neck, and pulls her in for a kiss. Alex leans into her immediately, placing her hands on Olivia’s back and pulling her closer. Alex is just about to suggest they move to the bedroom when she hears something slip out of her jacket pocket and onto the floor. Olivia, ever the detective, pulls away to glance at it and Alex suddenly remembers an important part of her reunification plan.

“I got you something,” she says quickly, sweeping the object. It’s a card, with ornate glittery lettering and heart patterns with little rhinestones.

“‘Will you be mine?’” Olivia reads. 

“It’s all I could find,” Alex responds immediately. “Everything else was tacky or for wedding anniversaries.”

“Well, yeah, Valentine’s Day was months ago, I imagine you had difficulty finding a Valentine’s Day card.”

“I figured since I missed five of them I should at least try to make up for it.”

“I love it.”

“It’s just a card-”

“It’s a card  _ from you _ .” Alex can’t help but roll her eyes at that, and Olivia laughs.

“Ah, there she is,” she comments, taking Alex’s hand. “Now I know everything’s going to be okay.”

“I wish I shared your confidence.”

“Hey,” Olivia says softly, taking Alex’s hand. “I don’t expect anything major out of you, not right now. All I want is for you to talk to me, and to be here, with me, tonight. Do you think that’s doable, Counselor?”

“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Then let’s go to bed. I think we’ve both had a long day.”

“More like a long five years,” Alex whispers to herself as Olivia leads her to the bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> That opening line about Alex's psychiatrist is actually taken from my own life. Honestly I was so happy when they confirmed Alex had anxiety because usually shows like to sneak around any mental health issues. I'm doing well right now anyway, so don't worry.  
> I'm pretty sure that that's the angstiest these prompts get. I like happy endings. I like fluff. I use fanfiction to rewrite canon. So it makes sense.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading!


End file.
